Fcking my Life is Fcking Fuck up!!

To Love, or not? to wait, or not? i jus wanna stay happy like last time.. i cant even smile now.. all my smile is so fake.. i cant deny that i still love her, i still miss her.. i wan her to be happy.. but i cant take it when ever bevan and her r so loving.. i cant.. i wanna move on.. but im stuck rite here!! my mind think so nothing but her.. even in my dreams.. its nothing but her!! Even when im asleep..my mind is playing tricks on me! i had enough of slpless nite..im tired.. some hw i really wish to let everything go and move on..i really wan to.. the way she treating me now is so cold.. is it that im no where in her heart now?? most likely.. in her heart now is only bevan and nothing esle.. world changes..life changes.. everything jus went insane..im very lost.. dono what to do.. all i wan is a gal that truly love my forever so that i could go with her forever.. i thot kat is the one.. but i guess im wrong.. im alone.. after 5yrs.. im all alone.. i can feel the pain in my heart.. i wanna be with her.. but its next to impossible..