mental and physically broke down...

guess physically im not that good too..haha..didnt expect i will fall sick.. sian..now hving fever and flu.. i called her..dono why..maybe becos i miss her??.. shld be..now im jus feeling too weak.. i always wan her to be by my side, till forever.. but i guess its really no hope any more.. the way she talk and speak to me..is treating me as an enemy..its kinda pain.. i seriously think time dun heals well.. the longer she left me, the more im hurting..in my heart. Bevan left to australia, but coming back in 2 mth time. which is like so awhile. but i guess its not my problem anymore.

sometime..i really wanna be happy..but i find it so hard..i love her, i need her, i miss her..but i know i cant!! i know if i continue thinking of her..i will collapse!! Is there a really good way to forget her?? can someone pls tell me??

yesterday i dreamed of her agn.. its all abt our happy moment.. Fck la..even the dream oso playing a trick on me!! when i wake up..my heart break..loving a person isnt easy..cant understand why am i still love her so deeply..i dun understand..after what she had said to me..what she did to me..why am i still fcking cant forget her?!? FCK LA!!! im very lost..very very lost..

i really hope i can find someone who will really love me and willing to love me forever.. but in my mind i know its hard. My parents thot she will be the one and only gal in my life..but everything jus gone..jus thx to a guy..that took alway my love one..i hate him..but it is oso the gal at fault..if she really love me..she wouldnt do things like this.. she wont hurt me like this.. take it as i really love her too much..ended up the one who's hurting is me..it really took me 5yrs to see what kind of person u r.. prove me wrong..but its hard..i guess u cant forget it..

im being trapped in love and hate. im love her..but i hate her.. im confused. dono what to do..
but she had decide for me..which she chose to leave me for another guy.. i jus hoping that i wont think of her so much..and lead my life as normal..jus that...without her existant...

if u wanna know hw much i love her..

I really thought there is EndlessLove..

this is my anwser.

gd nite..